K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
