I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
