I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
