I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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