I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
