Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize