She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
