Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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