I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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