your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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