Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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