it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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