I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
