Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
