my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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