I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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