tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
