I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So here I am, sexting at work.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
