Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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