why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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