That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Someone came in the potted fern
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
