were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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