Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
as a side note pls kill me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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