is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
