Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
