she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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