So drunk its hurt
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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