My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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