someone threw a dead crab at me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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