Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
