it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
