i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
