What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are all done wearing pants today
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