Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Two words: blizzard sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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