they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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