party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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