When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
