i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
