I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize