The maid of honor just puked.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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