I wish you could order shots online.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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