ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
