Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
