either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
