there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We talked him into tasing himself.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
