if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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