Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
