I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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