And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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