i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
