Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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