good thing vaginas are great cup holders
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
