I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
