: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.