He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i love accidental penises.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.