I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.