You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going