FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sober January is a disaster.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
