it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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