bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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