I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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