I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
