Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize