I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
