Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
